so there was this ride …
Aggress was flying some flames in the standard edition of our world-famous Shootout. Ariana did not seem to appreciate the nuances of my Velonews-worthy recap of today’s ride, so I though to perhaps elaborate, embellish and enumerate our earlier engagement for a more rapt audience, and right this moment, that would be you.
So let’s see, where was I? Oh yeah, so there were many familiar faces. There was Big Jim doing Big Jim-like things; there was Mike ‘where’s my fucking bike?’ M taking mobile podiums on the hill and final sprint, and of course Rich ‘just resting and off the front’ Horn.
And, yes I was there sneaking around sucking wheels and trying to not get dropped.
There was the tandem taking the toll, stringing out the field / thinning the herd. There was this bridge and we went real fast; there was no mail, and then came the winds. There was the gutter, there was no shelter, there goes the wheel in front of me, a crack appears in my armor. I dig deeper refusing to allow this breaking of my s…p…i…r…i…t….. We ride fast some more. I think to move up on the hill, but then… I double flat… Miraculously, they repair themselves. Then we go fast! Then someone goes by faster and I go faster too. We go away from the others. We get joined by a few others and we all GO VERY FAST. I got to the sign first and then others catch us right afterward; then we all just kind of go fast.
Then!!!! There is a sprint. I am minding the back of the reduced group making sure everyone stays together. I move up… I fight for the wheel of the tandem… Wait, it’s Jake in a seal full body suit and he IS NOT BUDGING. So I fight to get behind him. These boys are not very welcoming at the front. The elbow of the tandem pilot twitches like someone with Tourerette’s and I’m supposed to, what, pull through at 35 heading into a sprint? Did I mention I’m a wheel-sucking pussy? Eljet and I were both called that some years ago by a female rider. Yep, keep sucking those wheels. And as we approach the end of the sprint, Mike goes by taking 2nd and I slip easily backward through the group.
Isn’t bike riding fun?
So there is this party…